Random thoughts...

Things have been slowing down at work, so I thought I'd take the time to blog, since I haven't blogged in a while.

Hmm. Blog, blogged, blogging. Such a funny word. Let's move on...

This year's Christmas with the family will be in Milton, Wisconsin at my cousin's house. Usually we draw names for secret santas over the Thanksgiving holiday, but since this year's turnout was a bit smaller than usual, we didn't end up drawing names... So, I came up with this "solution" for us. I figured the peeps that are in my generation would bring booze to the party... The older folks can choose to exchange gifts if they want to, and everyone will just buy gifts for the kidlets! =) So far, it sounds like a grand idea to my mom and cousin (and hopefully everyone else! LOL!) since we're all broke this year... We can all just enjoy each other's company w/o the stress of gift-shopping, or selling our eggs or plasma, turning to prostitution or shoplifting. LOL!

On other notes, life is good. I found a man (ahem ahem, Dave) who loves me and takes such incredible care of me... especially during my rough times. I really don't know what I would do without him. He's my sunshine, my rock, my comedian, my bear, my best friend, my love.

I've waited a long, long time for him. I guess I had to go through the relation-shits first to build a stronger foundation of the better person I am today...learn the life lessons of what to do and what not to do. He has definitely been worth the wait! That's fo' daym sho'!

My living situation is still a cluster F. I still own property with the ex-fiancé, but haven't stayed there in over 2 months. I've been staying at Dave's place and so far, it's been fantastic! :D Oh! Which reminds me that I need to go home and get more clothes at some point tonight... if the weather will allow me to!

Ok, back to the Aurora property... This past Saturday, I just got news from my realtor that wasn't really a shocker, but it was still bad news nonetheless. He basically told us that the comparable properties around us are listed for much less than what we had paid for it, renting it out would be very unlikely since the rental prices for those places are running at no more than $1600 and our mortgage is WELL above that... another option is a short sale, which, I don't want to resort to. So, that brings me to this thought: I'm going to try to pay some debt off, and see if I can get approval to buy the ex-fiancé out, have Dave move in and rent, and have Jillian move in and rent... Although, with Jilly, it might be a hard sell. She works in Bartlett and it would be pointless for her to further her commute while paying rent... Or I can look for a 3rd person to rent, if it came down to that. Basically, what needs to happen is that the mortgage needs to be split between 3 peeps. (I would take the bulk of it) and the 2 paying rent would be about the same. This can go on for a while until the market picks up and I can actually get the place listed and either break even or get a little something back.

It just breaks my heart that my savings of $11K that was put into the place (and them some) would be completely gone if I had to short sale or list the house at almost nothing... There has to be other options out there, but the 3 ppl situation thing is the only thing that's coming to mind... Anyone else have any other suggestions? Anyone want to live with me & Dave in Aurora? LOL!

If I step back and think about it all, it's really not all that bad. Yeah, it's frustrating on a day to day basis, especially during the days that my mortgage check is in the mail and will be posted... and wondering if my checking account is in the negatives, but in the grand scheme of things, if I didn't decide to leave my engagement behind, I wouldn't have met the man of my dreams. I know, I know. Mushy gushy! But it's true! =)

Hmm. What else do I have for ya... This past weekend was fun fun fun! Minus the hour of bad news with my realtor...

Let's see. Last Friday (12/7) was the Midwestern University Winter Formal at the Carlisle in Lombard. It was a blast! Ate yummy food, had some good laughs at the dinner table and on the dance floor, danced to romantical-like songs while looking into each others eyes all googley-eyed, sweat 'til we couldn't sweat no mo'! Did I mention I went with Dave? It was his school's dance. LOL! Oh, another thing to add on the list of "Things To Do" is to upload those pictures! Ha! Sheesh, by reading this, one would think I have A.D.D.

So, last Saturday, I finally met Dave's BFF, Paula (aka dirty pirate hooker), and immediately we hearted each other. Hooray! :D It's refreshing to know that there are others out there that can be as raw and uncensored and unfiltered as much as humanly possible! AND best of all, I got her to snort a couple times and she forced the nerd laugh outta me! If I could spell out the sound of my nerd laugh, I would, but I'd rather not try it. HAHA! Oh, and I grabbed her left tit at some point in the night, but it wasn't remarkable enough for her to remember THAT part! LOL!

Sunday, Dave and I went to the Egg Factory up north and had the most incredible breakfast i've EVER had. Ugh. I'm salivating as I'm typing... Then we head over to his dad's place up in Wheeling and helped his dad out with things around the house since his dad's left leg is being held together with pins and screws. Well, there was VERY little for me to help out with, other than hand Dave the tape measure and occasional chunks of insulation, so I sat on the couch, chatted it up with his dad while enjoying Gomez in the background, flipped through a Ducati book, watched a couple movies, tried to complete a crossword puzzle with Dave while watching a movie, had a few smokes with Dave and his dad... Then, the grand finale was Mr. Schmitz cooked us a yummy dinner of swiss steaks, mashed taters, and buttered italian bread. Mmm Mmm Mmm! :P His dad cracks me UP! I see Dave picked up a lot of great things from him. His humor, the way he tells stories, the way he hums and sings around the house... it tugs at the heart strings, really. LOL

K, i think that's all I have at the moment... Until next time... Smooches! :-*

I find it hilarious...

As I'm sitting here, catching up on my missed Grey's Anatomy episodes, I'm thinking about how hilarious it is that someone actually thinks that I will walk away with nothing.

I spent YEARS busting my ass working (a few jobs at a time) and enduring living at home with my mom for a few years after college to save up for a house. I scrounged up $5K as an initial down payment, then took out an earnest money loan for $7,125 to cover the rest of the down payment, paid $6,125 of that loan (the 1K of that, came from the other party) and yet, all of a sudden, I'm not "entitled" to that money because ~I'M~ the reason this is happening in the first place??

First of all, me trying to get rid of the property in Aurora with the ex-fiance, is a BUSINESS transaction and should NOT include any PERSONAL/EMOTIONAL matters in those transactions. So me wanting to leave the engagement and the house, have absolutely NOTHING to do with what I'm entitled to or not entitled to.

Here's a nice little wake-up call (or maybe we can call it a rude awakening) for those who think that I'm not entitled to MY share of money... Okay, make sure you're sitting down for this...

No matter what sort of transactions take place, whether I get bought out of the property, or if we put the place on the market, I WILL be getting MY share of money, whether it's the full amount of what escaped from my own wallet, give or take a few hundred or a few thousand, it doesn't matter. I'm walking away with something PERIOD. There is no LEGAL WAY that I will walk away with zero, just because of a personal opinion that I don't "deserve" to walk away with anything. It's a completely ridiculous thought. And to compare it to an "early withdrawl penalty" just makes me laugh even harder.

Now, i realize that everyone's entitled to their opinions, but when it comes to opinions that have no substance or foundation, and are just based from maliciousness, revenge, or even based from opinions of their friends, it almost negates the entitlement.

If research was done BEFORE his mouth even opened to puke out such garbage, I wouldn't be venting via this blog right now...

Here are the facts in BOLD:
Both names are on the property therefore, each party are entitled to 50% of the property. You can ask any attorney, mortgage lender, or average Joe or average Jane, and it would be the same answer each time. The 2 people that are on the loan each get 50%.

If anything, I'm STILL getting screwed by him getting 50% when I put in over 10K and he put in 4K. So in a sense, him saying "We wouldn't be here in this situation, if it wasn't for you." is TRUE... We wouldn't even be in the house if I didn't have that money to fork up in the first place, but now, things are different. Things change, you fucking adjust and adapt. I just want OUT, so i can move on with my freakin' life!

I literally, financially and emotionally, cannot tolerate paying for and living in that house anymore.

I just got news that he got approved for a loan to buy me out. He just has to come up with money for the appraisal, which he'll get back at the closing. Woohoo! I'm that much closer to being O to the U to the T! =)

Thanks for the vent.

More soon...

Some Wishes

Tonight, I went out for sushi with my best girl, Ann. We had such a great time at dinner, talking life, savoring the flavors of sushi... then hanging out in front of Baskin Robbins with our Mocha Blast and Cappuccino Blast, just like the old days... talking more life, cracking up about our past and present, creating new memories (i.e., me having to pee sooo bad, that I couldn't concentrate on driving anymore), building on our sisterhood... Seeing her once a week lately has been wonderful.

I love spending time with the people I love. They bring new meaning and new perspectives into my life and I welcome them all with open arms.

Tonite, I have developed some wishes in life...
— I wish that people with children would be more careful with them... (i.e., not have them cross a busy parking lot unattended!?)
— I wish that people with children set a responsible example for them... to be able to mold them into responsible, mature adults as well.
— I wish that my future children be exposed to as much positive energy as possible.
— I wish I could control the evils that surround us daily and keep them to a minimum when it comes to approaching my future children. But then again, those evils will hopefully create stronger and wiser individuals.
— I wish that parents of young ones right now were as strict as my parents were to me when I was growing up. I hated it when I was younger, but am now thankful that they were strict because it plays a large part in who I am today.
— I wish I knew what lies ahead of me, but I'm grateful that I don't have those answers. It will keep me on my toes and will keep my life interesting.
— I wish that everyone would try sushi just once in their life.
— I wish I would get back into my old workout routine to get back into shape.
— I wish that people can learn to love themselves before entering any relationship.
— I wish that EVERYONE could feel the kind of love and happiness that I am surrounded by DAILY.

The Awakening

The Awakening . . .

Really long but definitely worth the read. I wish I could take the credit for writing this (and the author still remains anonymous), but I didn't write it. I received it in an e-mail back in October 31, 2003. I just wanted to share it with you 'cuz I thought it was definitely worth sharing. Everyone can at least relate to one or two or all of these:

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your
tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.

And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin
to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a
mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to
change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next
horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you
are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale
endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever
after" must begin with you; and in the process a sense of serenity is born of
acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone
will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and that's OK. (They are
entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance
of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of
self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to
you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is
the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they
say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always
about you. So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself; and in the
process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as
they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process a
sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around
you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into
your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you
should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and
where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you
should live, and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry,
and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising
children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you
begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to
discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into
to begin with; and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.

And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you
stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next
fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the
outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which
you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the
world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the
importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry,
and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love,
how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a
relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important
because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your
name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as
you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn
that just as people grow and change, so it is with love...and you learn that you don't have the
right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will
never be a perfect size, and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and
agonizing over how you
"stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing
things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is
your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is
necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity and respect;and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of
a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch and in
the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to
care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and
taking more time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and
fear. So you take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take
more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you
deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that
wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need
direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that
it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber
baron of all time.

FEAR itself.

You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know
that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to
give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under
a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you
think you deserve; and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these
occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't
punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.

It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state, the ego. You
learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and
redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you, and poison the
universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of
walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for
granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream
about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a
long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself; and
you to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever, settle for less
than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the
wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to
stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a
stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want
to live as best as you can.